I accidentally had phone sex last night
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize