hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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