I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
