We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Girls should come with a carfax report
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
