Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
