i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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