She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
