just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize