you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Your cock deserves a montage
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
