two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
