I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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