omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
