Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
