I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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