I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
there is glitter all over my balls
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
