I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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