you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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