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There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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