Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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