You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
