I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The best revenge is premature balding
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
