I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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