I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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