Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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