Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
