Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
