Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
