Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
