Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
