no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Randomize
