My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
