Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
