I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
