I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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