I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
