meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
