i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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