Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
