**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
