kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
