It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
well, you know. whores of a feather.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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