I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
