We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
