oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
