I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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