if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
