11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
