That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
