So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
