i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Text me some of your sweat
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
