Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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