i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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