There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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