I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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