I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
