pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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