so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
whose parrot is this?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
