I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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