Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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