If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
barbara walters just said penis...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
