WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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