Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So here I am, sexting at work.
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