I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
