if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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