I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
