my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm getting married
To pizza
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
