she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
