Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Randomize
