Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
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My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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