Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
