Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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