Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.