take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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