Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
BRING THE BAGELS
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone