he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..