After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
