I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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