Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
