Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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